Caramel Dictionaries and Bobbing for Weather Vanes

Through a short talk with a new friend of mine I began thinking more and more about the mistakes I have made in my life. In retrospect, I was naive, however I still feel that the "mistakes" that I made were more like lessons. I've taken notes in my head, I have occasionally failed to study and had to look over the lesson again, but nevertheless I am stronger now than I ever was before.

When we experience something that completely shatters us, we have to give it our all to simply rebuild ourselves back up to what we were, perhaps even stronger.. or weaker. Much time and a super-human amount of effort goes forth to get ourselves back to what we were, and in the process, we are changed. We are changed in some way, no matter how seemingly insignificant. Everyone in their lives has experienced some roads that are rockier than others. I'm sure, unfortunately, that some people have even been unsure that they can overcome obsticles that stand in their way. The truth is, regardless of how cliche it may seem, every single person on this planet makes mistakes.

There have been people in my life that have kept me down, but for every one person that broke my heart, there were those that helped put it back together. There have been people who have left my life that I cried and fell apart over, but now I realize that I'm happier without them. Some times it takes a little bit of effort and self-realization to fully understand the concept that what you want is not always necessarily what is good for you. In order to recognize when something is not good for you, the one thing you must understand is that you are worth something. You are worth ridding yourself of those who serve as a negative influence in your life. This does not only apply to people, but to bad habits as well. A person can serve as a pack of cigerettes or a bottle of jack to your own, personal well-being. Regardless of the fact that you enjoy that bottle, your life will be healthier and eventually happier.

I sometimes think that we tend to underestimate the influence that people have in our lives. I fell horrible for the people that have to deal with others who have difficulty trusting people. Someone could truly miss out on an unforgetable relationship simply for the lack of trust. If there is any one piece of advice I could give absolutely anyone, it would be this: Learn from your mistakes and make adjustments to them. I'm not saying that if someone cheats on you, you should never put trust in someone so that they are able to break you, I'm saying be smart. Don't just allow yourself to fall so easily, make sure your decisions are smart before you act. Take it from me, just because a guy/or girl is attractive on the outside, does not mean that they are attractive inside. Don't let lust overcome love, and always remember that you should be more concerned with finding your bride's maids than with finding your groom, so to speak.

I can't even express how many people I know that feel that they have to have a significant other because the individual doesn't want to end up "alone". I, personally, feel that this concept is a bit ridiculous, and this ties in once again with having self-esteem. I think that if a person loves someone else, they should at first be able to love themselves before they can truly and whole-heartedly love another.

“I think we all wish we could erase some dark times in our lives. But all of life's experiences, bad and good, make you who you are. Erasing any of life's experiences would be a great mistake.” --Luis Miguel

Contrasting Chalkboard Erasers and Toothpicks

I'm starting to get extremely frustrated with people who don't appreciate what they have in their lives. I know I might sound like I'm being critical, and well... I am. I'm sorry, people, but it's part of who I am. Has anyone else realized that if someone is overtired or not feeling well they say something like, "Oh, I'm dying. I feel awful.", even though there are people in a third-world country who is literally starving to death? I will admit to this, I do this every so often out of bad habit. Sometimes when you are around people who speak a certain way long enough, it tends to rub off on you. However, it does bother me that I say this and I have whole-heartedly been trying to refrain myself from making over-exaggerations in that sense. I've realized how much I take advantage of in my life and I realize that though I have many hardships and difficulties, I have one thing I can absolutely be grateful for. My friends and my family are the most important things in my world. Yes, some of them are suffering, and yes some of them are difficult to be around some times, but they are my foundation in which I have built myself.

I do not act like I don't make mistakes, and when I do, there are those people that keep me in check. My mother and father for example have not only helped in the strongest sense in shaping me into the (*cough* amazing) person I am today, but they help me reform myself when I get off-track. In the past, I have taken advantage of the fact that they are always there for me, however, recently my thoughts have changed. I like to tell other people to enjoy life and to let people know you care before it is too late, but I am at fault for not truly expressing my feelings towards my parents, as I am certain that many others are at fault. You never know when life will pull the rug out from underneath you, so it is very important that you are always prepared. Do not get too comfortable or think anything is permanent. Someone you care about can disappear, pass away, or even walk away (which I personally think is the worst of the three).

The other night, I was unable to sleep (oh yeah, big shock there), and I was running through my head nearly impossible scenarios with the same general outcome. What would I do if my parents were no longer there? I would have to support my sister, I would have to help my grandmother, I would have to be there for multiple members of the family alongside having to fight internal demons an pain.. the list is endless. Anyway, by going over my late-night troubled thoughts, I heard my mom get out of bed, I couldn't even help myself, I just got up and went into my parents bedroom (at four in the morning, mind you), and I just started crying and telling them how much I loved them. Yes, I am a nutcase, and yes I am completely unstable, however my thought-process is not completely skewed. Yes, I have my issues, but the truth is, I finally fell asleep after I got that out of my system. I couldn't help but feel like if something happened to my parents before I woke up, I had to tell them that I loved them. I know this sounds like it's out of a movie or something cheesy like that, but I don't lie and this story is completely 100% true.

My point by all this seemingly ridiculous rambling, is this: Yes, parents can be a thorn in your side, however we have to remember that they are our support. They've had to deal with us and make decisions and work for us for most of their lives, and I think they have deserved a bit of time to nag us. They love us, and they just don't want to see us fall. Then again, they're probably terrified that we will fall and be unable to stand back up. One of the things I admire about parents is they can be completely burnt out and exhausted, but if you need them, they all of a sudden become super-mom or super-dad. You have to appreciate what you have while you have it.

My father lost his mother when he was 12 years old, and his father was abusive. My dad is my hero, and possibly one of the sweetest and most caring people I have ever met in my life and I am completely and utterly in his debt for the rest of my life because if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here right now. My mother lost her father when she was 18. The things that he used to do to support the family rested on my mom's shoulders. Even though I never had the honor of meeting my grandfather, I will say that his strength and pride resides within my mother.. as well as myself. I do not think I would be able to handle such a loss. I don't know if I would be able to move forward in my life if I lost one of my parents, and I will fully admit that to anyone who asks. Sure, we fight every once in awhile. But, I would rather fight with them about asinine things than fight with the pain of losing one of them.

If tolerance, respect and equity permeate family life, they will translate into values that shape societies, nations and the world.
-– Kofi Annan

Crying Lightning And Breaking A Sweat

Recently, someone quite close to me and my family passed away from pneumonia. Now, I usually try to keep these posts upbeat, however, today my lack of sleep and my slightly dampened mood permits me to do otherwise. I was in my living room eating breakfast (which is rare to begin with) and then my mother comes bursting through the door crying, completely inaudible. Immediately, we all stopped what we were doing and ran over to my mom. A barrage of shock and confusion hit us initially because we couldn't understand what my mother was saying. I, personally thought she had fallen outside on a patch of ice or something of that nature. Then my grandma walked in the door and translated. Jeff Marciniack, a long time family friend had passed away.  This man, was a role model for me, personally. This man was probably stronger than most, and he was always troubled by a heavy heart. His ex-wife had worked most of her life to make this man's life a living hell. He hadn't seen his own children in years, he almost lost everything he owned, yet somehow he managed to keep moving forward. He was extremely depressed, and there were times in his life when he wasn't sure he wanted to keep living. My mother saw the worst of this. She helped him fight through to the end and even though he has left this earth, I still find it admirable that he lost the will to live, but kept living anyway. This man wanted to end his life, yet with the help of many friends, my mother included, he managed to still smile once in awhile. My grandmother said "His heart couldn't hold out any longer.", to which my mother replied, "Yes, his heart was broken to begin with."

The statement above hit me harder, I think, than the actual initial news of his passing. Depression is possibly one of the hardest things anyone could deal with, and it usually follows difficult things to begin with. My intentions are not to upset anyone or to make anyone glum, but merely to give forth an example. Jeff Marciniack, though broken and shattered, kept pushing through with the help of others. I understand that life is not fair, and I understand that there are some things that you might think you simply can not work through.. just remember that if you seek help, there will always be someone somewhere who can help you. To those that think they are alone, you are not. I have had to see and experience some things that I would never wish upon anybody, and if it wasn't for the help of those select individuals, I might not have made it this far. Truth be told, our hearts can only take so much, and our minds can only be altered so much. To those to whom this has touched, help someone else.

There are tell-tale signs that allow us to see when a person is falling. In order to catch someone, we must make a stand and help. To save someones life, all it takes is love and compassion. If you see someone who appears to be down, just talk to them. Talk even if it is about how your day was or even sailboats. As a matter of fact, sometimes you might not be able to tell when someone is suffering from some sort of trouble they have in their lives. Perhaps they are having a hard time at home, maybe they have low self esteem. A simple smile or an exchange of words could help someone in a stronger sense than you can imagine.

There are many ways that someone can get help fir their hurt and suffering. Some people's problems are too strong to be overcome by a friendly conversation. One thing I can not stress enough is to know when the situation gets out of your hands. There are people you can call and organizations that will help aid you or someone you are trying to help. Know when you can not handle a situation and know when you need a higher form of help. There is always more than one option, and giving up is not an option.

http://www.twloha.com/vision/

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_tips.htm

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen.htm

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/center_index.php?id=5

~ ...Depression is not sobbing and crying and giving vent, it is plain and simple reduction of feeling...Peoplwho keep stiff upper lips find that it's damn hard to smile. ~  Judith Guest

Coaching a Manipulative Caterpillar

Today, the day after the Super bowl, I come into work and all I keep hearing about is how "The Saints cheated." Now, I'm not one to necessarily follow football, but I know enough to know that the Saints sure as hell did not cheat. That game was won based on the performances of the players. I will say that the referees called a fair game and I will say that even the concept of the Saints cheating, personally cracks me up. Though the game was intense, and fair, there are those Colts fans that still try to pass the blame onto someone else. We're all guilty of this at one point in our lives. Why do we do this? The answer is simple: It's easier to blame someone else for our mistakes, than to actually own up.

Like I said, I'm not crazy about football however, the outcome managed to bring out one very good point that I have yet to cover in this blog. It starts when we are children, and like a dandelion (which mind you, is in fact a weed), it sprouts and blossoms through our lives...blame. We lie, we ignore facts, we push what we do on other people in order to get out of trouble. Several centuries ago, a "witchcraft craze" swept over Europe from the 1300s to the late1600s. Many "witches", mostly women, were executed on the belief that they were possessed by the devil or that they were in fact, witches. If a person was accused of being a witch, they were sentenced to being tested, by very unethical ways might I add, in order to prove their innocence. The only way a person could get out of being executed was to accuse someone else for being a witch or admitting to your crime and repenting for your evil ways (which resulted, regardless, in a loss of respect for your name). Now, let's say you're a farmer during this time and someone accuses you of being a witch. Now, to determine whether or not you are a witch, they might sentence you to death by crushing (piling large boulders upon your body until you are quite literally crushed to death, or until you accuse someone else of being a witch). How would you react? Sure you might be bad ass like Giles-Corey, but chances are, you'll falsely accuse your neighbor, Richard of being a witch for the random death of your favorite sheep last week.

It's easy to give up and pass the blame onto someone else, however is that necessarily fair? Is it right? Talking about it, the answer seems clear. Of course it is wrong to falsely accuse someone else. Naturally, we should tell the truth because eventually, it will catch up with us. However, what would you do if you were threatened of being killed unless you blame someone else? What would you really do if a heavy rock was resting upon your chest and the only way to get out of this mess was to accuse someone else of the crime? It is wrong to pass blame upon someone else, but once again (my absolute favorite kind of people), hypocrites must first evaluate the situation before they answer. Now, I will admit that if my life was threatened, I can not honestly say that I would do the noble thing. Under those circumstances, I don't know if I would be able to admit my crime or blame someone else. All I'm saying is that it would be wrong to blame someone else and ruin their lives. Why not make a stand? It's just something to think about, I suppose.

Of course, it might kill us to make the right decision. And sure, we might have some strong consequences to face by admitting to our faults however, we become stronger people by telling the truth. It's easier to lose a game and blame one player or blame a referee. It's easier to blame your neighbor. We become wiser by owning up to mistakes and correcting them instead of ignoring them. As we're lying under the boulders, we shouldn't give in and blame someone for our mistakes. While under the rocks, admitting defeat and blaming someone else will only add "more weight".

A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.
-John Burroughs

Tripping the Light Fantastic with One-legged Horses

Speak of the moonlight that promenades across my face And I am oblivious to anything besides the vavacity in your irises.
Shot nerves, Soul escaping, I'm frozen in place,
I see the daggers in your eyes as you cut me with your kiss.

We sang a chorus that set this filty city on fire,
And we walked unharmed through the streets.
Close your eyes and let's preach to the choir
About how our hearts hasten above and beyond the sheets.

I desire to ride along the waves of your lips
To where the kiss breaks the curse and I soar in your skies.
Tripping over every verse and slipping over your hips,
Blitzkreig is here, bearing fully loaded "goodbyes".

Crystalized Bubble Gum and Chubby Super Heroes

As we walk among our fellow species, it is only natural that we have emotion and feelings towards others. We judge, we hate, we love, we suspect, we make, we break, and we fight other people depending on the many different ranges of situations that we could be met with.

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.", these recognizable lyrics (Nat King Cole's Nature Boy), has truly got me thinking. Now, I know what you're probably thinking: "Oh, here she goes again talking about love. Does this girl talk about anything else?". Well to answer your question that I have heard through my telepathy: Absolutely not. All I do talk about is love. Anyways, as I was saying.. How is it that we know we love someone? Is it the feeling you get in our stomach when some guy brings you flowers? Is it the feeling you get when some chick checks out your muscles ('cause we all know chicks dig guys with muscles *rolls eyes*). The truth is, ladies and gentlemen, love is not a feeling it is an ability. I don't think I'v ever heard wiser words spoken through the mouth of Steve Corell. ( I know, I'm feeling all 'quotey' today).


Love is not found in the feelings we get. The feelings we get may be a product of love but that doesn't necessarily make those feelings love. My own personal definition of love runs a bit deeper than butterflies. Love is the ability to look into someone's eyes and drown; Drown in their entire being. Love is the ability to find beauty in a flaw; to find purity in someone's downfalls. Love is not the ability to ignore, but the ability to understand and accept.


True fact: I have low self esteem, yet somehow, the people that really care make me feel legitimately good about myself. The people that really love almost make me forget about the things that nearly break my heart every day. Once you find people like that, it's almost impossible to not spread love to someone else. Once someone accepts you for who you really are, the easier it is to love. What you see as a flaw, someone might see as the best part of you, so don't count yourself out on the draw when things start getting tough.
Love is one of those things that I strongly feel we all need to survive (not thrive, survive). With love.. true accepting love, you can conquer even the largest obstacles. In order to open your heart, you must open your mind and your eyes.
You all knew it was coming:


Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4

Elephants on Mini Coopers dancing with Barracudas

Today, I'm feeling a bit nostalgic, to be fairly honest with you. There have been countless things within the past three days that have made me truly and honestly miss my childhood, or even miss things that just wern't around for awhile. Angry Beavers, Dunka-roos, Oops all berries: Captain Crunch, math with real numbers, you know, the good stuff. I am a Teacher's Assistant for a fourth grade class at Gesu Elementary in Detroit, and being able to see a huge contrast between what I did when I was a kid compared to the things this new generation has to do... well flat out, it scares me. I have this fear that "kids these days", don't use their imagination nearly enough. Things are just handed to them and they follow along. I'm pretty sure that without sports, there thought of a leader would be completely flawed.

I know I'm getting "old", but seriously, when I was a kid, me and my sister could play for hours with absolutely nothing. No toys, no board games, nothing. We would just go outside and literally make up a game. I am speaking completely out of observation and truth when I say: I have not seen a child over the age of three make up a game with made up rules and  made up characters just to have fun. Either a kid has a video game controller in their hand, they're on the phone, or god knows what else they've got. When I nine years old, I didn't think about dirty lyrics in songs.. I can't believe how much things have changed. When you're a kid, you're supposed to be innocent, right? Have I lost my mind or has society lost every ounce of purity?

I miss the times when we'd run around and build snow forts in winter, and jump in piles of leaves in the fall. I miss the sound of when you cut construction paper with safety scissors. I miss playing tag, and telephone, and statues, and hide and seek, and ghost in the graveyard. Things are busier right now with school, and work, and whatever else, no one has time to be a kid anymore. Thankfully, I landed a couple good friends that still like to make-believe. Without them, I'd probably turn into a zombie.



Remember when:
Getting high, meant swinging in the playground.
The worst thing you can get from boys were cooties.
Your worst enemies were your siblings.
Ollie-ollie-oxen free meant something?
Race issues were who ran the fastest.
War was just a card game.
The only drug you knew of was cough medicine.
Wearing skirts didn't mean you were a slut.
The only things you smoked were the tires on your bike.
The only thing that hurt were skinned knees.
And the only things that can be broken were your toys?

Battle for the Yellow Cupcake-Throwing Lawn Gnome

So, I'd like to take a step outside my usual bubble of advice and over-analyzing to talk about something a bit different. So this weekend I went to the Take Action Tour (We the Kings, Mayday Parade, A Rocket to the Moon, Call the Cops), which was a concert at the Crofoot that was ment to raise money for leukemia patients http://takeactiontour.com/take-action-tour/dates-tickets/. It was for a good cause but, holy crap I don't think I've ever been more cramped in my entire life. I literally have bruises on the sides of my stomach and on my arms from being pushed against the bar separating the crowd from the stage. I had a blast, this I will say, though it's mostly because I was with Cristen and we were making fun of pretty much every loser there. Who wears a skirt with no leggings to a concert where you have to wait outside in the freezing cold.. who the hell wears a skirt to a concert, period?

Well, whatever. Aside from the fact that it was cramped beyond holy hell, and I was only there for Mayday Parade, it was a blast. I mean, I listen to We the Kings every so often, but I know people who would have had way more fun then me considering I only went for Mayday. REGARDLESS, I had a pretty good time, considering I almost died. I also, fortunately enough was blessed with the great honor of being held like a baby by a giant black man that resembled quite a close resemblance to Biz Markie, after crowd surfing. I mean, sure I got tired of the absolutely ridiculous screaming 13 year old fans dying over We the Kings, but hey, I did enjoy being a bully all night. I mean, come on let's face it.. I'm an 18 year old 5"2 blonde chick.. I don't think I'd be able to pull off punching and elbowing people at a Slipknot concert.

Well, bottom line is, it was for a good cause and I ended up having fun making fun of people alone, so I think it was worthwhile. Plus, I ended up getting an awesome shirt, so I'm cool with that. People aggravate me, and I feel that the 40 bucks were worth getting my lungs crushed simply to gain a new sense of hatred to ridiculously dorky pre-teens drooling over mediocre music. Well, Mayday Parade was amazing, and that's all I really cared about. I could have basically raped Derek Sanders and that's good enough for me. :)