Move Like A Jelly Fish, Jump Like A Hippopotamus

Now, I'm sure you've all heard he saying, "distance makes the heart grow fonder". I've had first hand experience of this many times in my life, but I have also unfortunately, experienced the contrary. I'm not talking solely about relationships such as "boyfriend/girlfriend relationships," I'm talking about friendships and family ties as well. When people think of distance, they tend to think of measurements in physical miles. Lately, I have realized that there is a sort of invisible distance that can break a friendship ten times more than physical. As time goes by, some people tend to drift apart and unfortunately, this is a part of life.


There's this little thing that apparently only a select few people know about. It's called "effort". You see, as absurd as it might sound, it's imperative to actually try to work at a friendship, or any relationship for that manner. It's unfortunate that people drift apart, but sometimes this can be for the better. When we're waving goodbye to one person, we should recognize that there are others we could be greeting.


I bring this particular topic up because I've realized how many close friends have decided to head in an opposite direction as me. Now, if we were to run into each other, I would not hesitate to exchange greetings, however we are not even half as close to being as familiar with each other as we have been in the past. I've become more aware of all the things that people have to deal with in their lives and it is easy to understand why people fade away or drift apart. The fact of the matter is, the world is ever changing. Some people want to have the same best friends, expect their friends' opinions to stay the same forever, and just think that things will always remain golden forever. 


People automatically get angry when someone they know decides to walk away, but the thing is, sometimes that friend doesn't even realize they're walking away. First of all, we must have patience with people. We don't always recognize everything that one of our friends are going through. Secondly, if we have a problem with the way someone is treating you, speak up. Sometimes the person might be so caught up with school or work or family issues that they lose track of social ties. Thirdly, do something about it. Make a change. If someone isn't as close as they used to be, perhaps it's time to re-tie your relationship, so to speak.


Also, people have different feelings and attitudes towards things (obviously), but attitudes can be changed. Hell, beliefs can be changed. Sometimes, it's not necessary to agree with someone else's attitudes or beliefs, but at least be tolerant. If what someone is doing is not destructive, then there's no reason to cut off the friendship. Things like religion and politics have caused me to lose some really great friends, but there's no reason that should happen. If someone's a really great friend, it shouldn't matter if they are pro-choice or anti-gay marriage. You can disagree with them, sure. But the differences might even make the friendship stronger. The differences in opinions could give both members of the relationship a greater understanding of the opposing person's views.


Bottom line, live is full of decisions. You decide to eat breakfast or not, to blow all of your money on comic books, to wear a checker-board shirt with leopard print pants. Then again, you decide whether or not you go on spring break with Johnny and Calvin, if you should call someone you've been missing, or even take a different route to your next class (who knows, you might run into someone worth your while). Your decisions might only effect you, but others can change people's lives. Some of the most important decisions that you will have to make, are when it comes to the people in your life. We're all going to have to ask ourselves difficult questions. "Does she love me?", "Why is he wasting his life?"... We shouldn't judge someone before we really get to know someone. You might know OF someone, but you really don't know who a person truly is right off the bat. Even a great friend can turn around and stab you in the back, sure.. but I'd rather take that risk on someone who I really care about. Some things in life, you just can not prepare for. Sometimes, the greatest thing you can ever give someone is a chance.


True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island. To find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing. - Baltasar Gracian

Page Breaks and Half-Empty Water Buckets

Poison pours from my eyes, we're on our sixth second chance and I'm soaked to the skin.
I am the best and worst part of you, your strongest weakness. I've only been longing to be someone else. Longing to be someone to lose yourself in. This mutual pain; this mutual love; this mutual desperation for acceptance is breaking me apart at the spine. I can not amble through life knowing that I provide the venom for this sickness.
Broken crystals, shattered and jagged, your irises beg me to be repaired.
You cry for me, your biggest downfall. Refute breaking stride. Maintain your life, do not allow mine to interfere. If you were wise, you would acknowledge the inevitable. Enduring life is my mistake, but a mistake worth making. Be afraid no longer, love, and cry no more for me.
We keep spinning out of control and now sorrows are merging without hesitation.
The cycle never stops, and now I'm lost in the fog in my head. Navigating through the mist and the confusion, a collision is foreseeable. Half of me living, half of me gone, the struggle let's me know there is still something left. We love. We fight. We breathe. We love. We love. We breathe.
This round, deception is not probable. Battle alongside me no longer, for the blood cascading down my fingertips would drive me to obliteration.
Today, being sentient is a voyage that I'm uncertain of embarking on.

Raining Dictionaries and Cutting Turqoise Squash

As I am sure you have noticed, summer is right around the bend, which, being college students means, finals are coming up. As much as we'd like to just run outside in our bathing suits screaming "F#&^@ YOU!", to our professors, we've really got to buckle down. This week has been hell when it comes to studying, and I'm pretty sure everyone else is feeling the pressure. Along with school work, I'm sure many of you have to deal with other situations that have been pushing down your morale. We've snowed ourselves under in a particular class, we've been putting off a serious conversation, or fear of failure is just pushing us against the ground as finals are coming up. I think I speak for all of us when I say that the stress we carry is not always recognized by others, and therefore, not thought of as serious.

The trepidation caused by our fears and responsiblities can be overwhelming. I do realize that I posted something in the past about stress and finding and outlet to help us escape from the tension. Now that finals week is only a week away for me, I feel that I should write a bit more about the opposing side of stress. Like I've said before, stress can be a good thing as well as a bad thing. While we feel overwhelmed, we realize that things need to get done, which is of course a good thing. When you're like yours truly, and stress starts to eat away at you, and you forget to eat and sleep seems to elude you, you are taking quite poorly to your stressors. Now, at the same time I am writing this blog, I am at the same time, trying to releive some of that tension. Writing does serve as my outlet, and I'm working on dealing better with my stress. However, it does come to my attention that there are some people who are focusing too much on the concept of "taking a break", to the point that nothing gets done.

Taking a break, or relaxing is a very good tactic to relieve stress, but a strategy I am working on currently is one I like to call the "get shit done" approach. Basically, get shit done (pardon the French, but I need to be blunt with this). If something needs to be taken care of and it's stressing you out, try to get it out of the way as soon as possible. For example, if you have a speech you need to give in a class, volunteer to go first or second to get it out of the way. Things are a lot less stressful if you get a head start on things. Do not procrastinate. I know everyone can taste summer on the tips of their tongues, but that shouldn't change the way that you are going about your day. If anything, you should be trying to take care of everything possible so you don't have to worry or be distracted near the end of finals week. 

I've got 2 weeks left of classes, and this is the first day of "dead week" at my school. We have no homework or quizzes or new material being introduced. This is a week set aside for studying. Now do you think that everyone takes advantage of this? Absolutely not. There are people who are carelessly wasting their time hanging out with friends or skipping class to go do some random crap, well I say that when finals roll around, they might end up their decision to not prioritize. Here is my last words of advice, because you won't find me writing in this for at least 2 weeks:

Though it would be much easier to put studying off and enjoy the weather, just buckle down and get what needs to be done taken care of. There's not much time left this semester, so try to finish strong.

“Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.” 

-Lyn Yutang

Don't Eat The Whales and Remember to Tip your Waitresses

Bored at work, so here's some lame poetry:

True emotions amble in fear of rejection, as her thoughts become condescending.
Her logic overpowers her muffled heart, yet the blades in her eyes spill her blood.
Meditating with the mind and not with the soul, her true self still begins to emerge.
Comprehension dissipates as her heart materializes in a miraculous resurrection.

Large diamonds fall from her eyes reflecting a thousand pieces of her face;
The challenge of gazing upon her lingering reflection causes her to wince in pain.
Kissing her forehead, you lean in unaware of the knife already dug through her chest,
Your advancement pushes it deeper and with "I love you," you provide the final twist.

Fighting Elmer's Glue and Punk Rock Porn Stars

This is my Philosophy paper that I was required to write. I want to state beforehand that I posted this because I wanted more use out of a 4 page paper and I wanted more people to see it other than my teacher who happens to have a horrible hair cut and terrible hygiene. The information expressed does not necessarily explain my views, but it states the opinions and arguments between atheists, theists, and agnostics. All information was found in my philosophy book, Lawhead: The Philosophy Journey: An Interactive Approach, Fourth Edition and is cited throughout the paper. I highly doubt anyone will read this, but I thought it was pretty damn interesting.

            Imagine that you have just heard the news that someone you dearly love has just had their life taken from them by a hit and run; your only son or daughter. The pain that you feel in your heart is almost unbearable. You can’t sleep, you can’t eat, and some times you find it difficult to even think straight. In an exasperated breath of despair, you start crying. You ask yourself “Why is it that things such as this are allowed to happen?” Why would God let such pain come upon you, and why would He take the life of your dearly beloved family member? This question and questions similar are asked more than you might initially think. People are constantly questioning why God would allow evil to exist in the world. The problem of evil has always been a controversial concept since as far back as man kind can recall. We naturally want to understand why innocent people suffer and the search to find the answer causes us to dig deep within our minds and even challenge our faith.

            There are distinguished evils that philosophers have been able to place and categorize different situations into. There is Moral evil, which consists of bad actions such as lying, rape, and murder. Moral evil is caused by such things as loss of property, poverty, physical and emotional harm, and distrust. Then, there is Natural evil, which consists of things such as diseases, tornadoes, genetic defects, earthquakes, and other things of that nature. Natural evils are the evils that atheists usually pose more arguments towards. If God loved every one of his creations, why would he allow an earthquake or a hurricane to devastate and kill hundreds and even thousands of his people? The problem of evil is used as a major standpoint and gives argument between atheists, theists, and agnostics.

Atheists often argue that if there was a God who was Omni benevolent, omniscient, and omnipotent, evil would not exist. Atheists take notice that evil does exist, and therefore, God does not exist. In order to claim that this argument is false, one of the premises must me considered false. The Greeks claimed the premise of God’s goodness was false, and therefore, it was easy for them to understand the presence of suffering and pain. If the Greeks believed that God was all-loving, it would be far more difficult to understand why there was so much famine and war in the world.

            Many theists argue that knowledge is limited and that even God could not anticipate every evil that could possibly occur. This still is subject to flaw considering that once someone has made their intent known for evil, God could stop them. There is a difference between “God is all powerful”, and “God can do anything”. For example, God can not create a round square. God is incapable of bringing about things that are logically impossible. He can not create a stone so heavy that He could not lift it. Saying that God could do what is logically impossible, is saying that He could do what is good and evil at the same time. If this were possible, it wouldn’t be possible to think that God would exist at all.

            “The greater goods defense is the claim that God allows some evil to exist because it is necessary to the achievement of a greater good” (Lawhead: The Philosophy Journey: An Interactive Approach, Fourth Edition 372).” This argument claims that good could not be reached if some evil was not allowed to exist. The idea is that the suffering that we experience always has a purpose. It is difficult to answer every question when it comes to the problem of evil and we can not explain every particular evil that God allows.

            John Hick’s version of the greater goods defense is more along the lines of us, as humans trying to fulfill the divine intention of our existence and we are still in the process of creation. Men may become perfect eventually, but Hick’s argument states that we must all go through a process of “soul-making”. One of God’s most important gifts that he has given to us, is the ability to make a choice. God put us here and gave us the power to turn towards him and be turned into a “child of God”, or to turn away from him. Hicks’s argument states that either God was to have a world where we suffered a torturous amount or God could have created a world where there would be no suffering at all. If God were to create a world where there was no suffering and no evil, then that would mean some of our free will would be sacrificed. This thought shows that even God had to make a choice.

            There are some criticisms towards Hicks’s argument, of course. Hick assumes that God’s choice is between one extreme or another. As Edward H. Madden and Peter H. Hare stated, “Even if some underserved and unnecessary suffering is necessary to make possible compassion, it is obvious that a minute percentage of the present unnecessary suffering would do the job adequately.” Also, Hare and Madden have stated that though in life there is “soul-making”, there is also “soul-breaking,” because people are often crushed and hurt by suffering. Not everyone can handle suffering, and end up turning into worse-off people because of it.

            Another very important defense for the problem of evil topic, is the “free will defense.” Basically, this defense states that though God allows evil, it is necessary in order to give his creation the capability to choose. God gave his children the gift of free will. God chose to create a world in which his creatures can make choices at their own will, which in turn, allows there evil to exist. This defense states that if God took away our free will and turned us into his own righteous pets, in a sense, we would all no longer even have the capable of questioning God. The freedom that God has given us, has given us the choice to choose right from wrong; good from evil. God took a risk in creating us, and he could not necessarily guarantee that we would all follow on the path to goodness. Evil exists because, if it did not, we would no longer be free agents. This defense states that the world would be a better one if there is free will, as well.

            There are many questions and oppositions to this defense, however. People often ask why God could not just have created Heaven and have that be all. If Heaven is a place where you have eternal life and no longer commit sin, which it is described as, why could He not simply create a place like that on Earth? God could intervene and make it so we would not commit such sins as rape and murder, could he not? “A moderate amount of human freedom and a moderate amount of moral evil might make a better world (257).”

            Though the greater goods defense can support reasoning for both forms of evil, the free will defense views evil as caused by immoral choices made by humans because we have free will. This defense addresses slavery, murder, and rape, but at first glance, it seems as if this argument does not have a reason for natural evils such as hurricanes, earthquakes, and diseases. “One way in which a free will defense can account for natural evils is to say that in order for there to be free choices, whether these choices are good or evil ones, there has to be a fixed, reliable order of natural causes and effects (257).”

            The evil that is allowed to exist in the world, is necessary in order for free will to exist. We can think of a place where God was capable of making it so we were incapable of making wrong choices. We could imagine a world where God could turn a weapon into something unable to harm someone else when we intended to use the weapon to harm someone else. We could picture a world where God refused to allow any bad or pain to come to someone innocent, however if God were to do such things, it would interfere with the entire concept of free will. We wouldn’t necessarily be able to make our own decisions because we would be limited to what we could think or do. God allows us to make decisions and sometimes people decide to kill other people. If God were to intervene, that would make it so we didn’t have free will, but limited will and evil thoughts would be impossible. As difficult as it is to comprehend, if a person has made the choice to murder someone, that is that individual’s choice. Now, it is not necessarily true that God should allow someone else’s life to be in someone else’s hands, but by bestowing us with free will, He took a risk. God, by giving us free will, risked that we would make some bad decisions that might eventually lead to us committing some evil deeds.

            Many people are incapable of understanding the atheist’s viewpoints. It is difficult for many religious people to understand how someone can live their lives thinking that there is no divine purpose to living. Those who are not theists, feel that there would be no sense of gratification or happiness brought about in their everyday lives if they were to think that there was no divine purpose to their lives. If there is nothing greater that we have planned for us, then our friendships, family ties, and other relationships are meaningless. However, there are many atheists who are good, moral, and caring people. There are many atheists who even do volunteer work and donate their time and efforts to making life more enjoyable for others. Just because someone believes that there is no God, does not mean that the person has to be an unjust and evil individual.

            Atheists often find difficulty understanding the presence of evil if there is a presence of God. They often feel that there shouldn’t even be a need to justify innocent children suffering. If there was an all-powerful and all-loving God, agony and tragedy would not happen to innocent children. Some of these “explanations” wear thin when trying to explain to a suffering child, that the reason he or she is suffering, is because it is God’s will. Atheists 

The Atheist argues that the theist says that the world needs a cause to find an explanation for the unexplainable. Before the rise of modern science, the world and it’s people “worked” in different ways. They used to believe that all natural events, such as disease and the moving of the planets were all caused by God’s activity. Some atheists believe that since the rise of modern science has proved so many things wrong, that it could be possible that God as a hypothesis is invalid now. If suffering is a part of God’s plan, then we shouldn’t fight suffering, but accept it. We are then fighting against God’s will and therefore trying to push back against something that has a greater, divine purpose.

            “Some atheists argue with the psychiatrist Sigmund Freud that religion is a psychological crutch that emotionally weak persons use to get through life. (259)” Religion does help people cope with many things. If a theist loses someone they love, it’s much more comforting to think of that person as “in a better place.” Atheists believe that there is a larger explanation than “it is God’s will.”

            The presence of evil in our world causes much controversy. We can not help but wonder why bad things happen and what kind of a God would allow an innocent child to contract such life-threatening diseases as Cancer or Leukemia. One thing that we all have to recognize is that some questions are unable to be completely answered. There are some things beyond our control or understanding and we can try to come up with an explanation, but sometimes, we just have to have faith. The way I see it, it is not necessarily that atheists do not think that there is not a God, but they believe there is no God. In a sense, they have faith that there is no God.

            Atheists, agnostics, and theists are all working towards the same goal: to answer the unanswerable. There are no answers in the back of the text book for them to check. They are simply trying to answer questions to make life a better place. The explanations to the unexplainable, must simply be thought of, but followed with our faith. Through our own faith, we will find the answers whether that be faith in God, or faith that there is no God. To understand why the things in life are conducted in such a manner; to understand why someone’s child is dying of a fatal illness. There are more things in comment between the three, but people tend to only focus on the differences. Yes, there is a strong possibility that we may never live to know the truth, but the fact that we, as humans are longing to gain wisdom and understanding, should pull us together and allow us to live fuller and richer lives.

Surround Sound Fire Extinguishers

Internal battles are probably the most difficult to face. There is a constant struggle in your head between your thoughts; Thoughts bent on pushing you forward or pulling you back. We have a hint of exaspiration to our voices, we break apart during seemingly insignificant circumstances due to our overly sensitive and exhausted thinking process, we lay in bed into the wee hours of the morning running through almost impossible senarios, just because we're afraid. We're afraid of failure, and we're afraid to make the wrong decision. I know this story all too well, and I do recognize that I'm not the only one who goes through this. I've missed out on so much in my life simply because I was afraid to take a risk. I'm one of the most indecisive people you'll ever meet, and I do realize this. Sometimes, you just have to act on a whim. Sometimes, it is alright to follow your instinct.

So many people have the problem with making up their mind and taking a chance. Some people, including yours truly, have tried over-analyzing a situation so many times over that the answer simply becomes more clouded and far away. Not every risk that you take will result in failure, and if you don't get out there and live your life to it's fullest, what's the point in living? We are not on this Earth long enough to ruin a great thing because we are too concerned with making the right decision. You learn from your mistakes, and if you do not make mistakes, then you're not really living. Thomas Edison had over 1,000 failures before successfully inventing the light baulb. When he was told this he simply replied, "I never failed, I just discovered 1000 ways not to make a light bulb."

We give up too easily on ourselves, and I completely understand how throwing in the towel can seem like the easy way out. When the struggle has you beat down and you're miles away from the finish line, keep going. Crawl if you must, but don't give up. There are far too many reasons to take that risk and keep moving. I used to just turn down anything that seemed even slightly out of the ordinary, but ever since my mother got sick, I've realized that there is just too much in this world that I want to do, so many things that I want to see, and so many people I have yet to meet. Now, I know this might seem a bit cliche' but truly take my word for it, as soon as you get rid of the negative thoughts in your head, you are free from the shackles of your own personal prison. So often we are victims of our own negativity and our own fear.. So often we fall down, not because our biggest road block is in our own head. In order to succeed, failure is always a risk. In order to live life, we must take risks.

We are all fighting every day. The mind is a complex thing, ladies and gentleman, at least for the people who use theirs. We can develop certain mindsets, feel uncertain, be unsure.. but we can also have motivation and eventually reach success. One good thing about facing this struggle is, we're all together facing the same battle. We're just on different battlefields. We can talk to our friends; our commerades. We can get help fighing, and we can beat what is stopping us from taking a risk. Speak your mind, take the leap, run the mile. It might seem difficult to do, but it is easier with someone fighting alongside you.

Death is inevitable, but there is no use dying before we are called to leave. To me, there are two kinds of death. There is death of the body, and death of will. If we don't fully live our lives and try to make this world better, we're not really living. Life is difficult and there are so many things that could potentially go wrong, so why make things harder on ourselves by not taking chances? Why add more weight on our shoulders? We can not carry the world.. we are only human, but that doesn't mean that we can not do great things. We can do amazing things, but we must first overcome our internal struggles before we can face any external problem. If you fear everything, and you do not take chances, you already have failed.

Yellow Blowfish and Tempting Banana Muffins

Now, I realize that I have a tendency to repeat myself, however, I also have realized that people have a tendency to drive me crazy to the point of repetition. Has anyone realized that we have the same poor habits that they managed to develop as children? Sharing, kindness, being polite.. it seems that no matter what, we've still tainted these thoughts and ways of life. I've never really understood what is so difficult about holding a door open for someone or thanking someone for picking up a pencil you dropped. What's the big deal with just going out of your way for someone. Going out of your way to lend someone a dollar, a hand, or  just an ear does not take as much energy as you think. Just by holding the door open for the person behind you, is all you have to do to put a smile on someone's face. Class in America, to me.. no longer exists.. and if it does, then it is endangered.


I've recognized the lack of class in America at a young age. My father and I were always staying up and watching old movies with Clark Gable, Elizabeth Taylor, Jimmy Stewart, Bette Davis, Humphrey Bogart, Cary Grant, Maureen O'Hara, and Katherine Hepburn all dressed in their best. In these movies, there was a certain essence of elegance that engulfed the actors and actresses. There was a certain beauty to these men and women, and even the general concept of their movies were remarkable. Nowadays, it doesn't matter what colors you are wearing, but it matters how little you have on. Women today lack a sense of class... and the children are picking up our bad habits. Most men apparently WANT a women who lacks class.. and yet again.. this social accepting thing falls towards our children. Maybe what I am hoping for is a fairytale, but maybe, it just takes me speaking up to make at least one person aware of how horribly things have changed.


Just imagine things how they used to be for one moment, please. All the men in suits, and all the women in dresses. you got paid 25 dollars a week, and that was a LOT of money. More people were concerned with elegance and grace, then being concerned with "showing some leg" or shooting up some building. Don't get me wrong, there will always be those select scum bags, but back then, life was better.. life was happier. Perhaps this was just the way things happened back then, and perhaps things will never change for the better, now that everyone's low-brow. I have faith, though. I know that someone, somewhere, probably understands what I'm getting at by all of this. I'm not being unrealistic. I know that things have changed. Style has changed. I get that.. but does that mean that our characters have to change as well? Our values have to be subject to this change as well? I mean, okay people, you don't have to go around saying "golly gee!" and "By golly!", but is there really harm in opening up the car door for your girlfriend every once in awhile? What happened to courting a woman? I just wish things weren't as sloppy as they are now is all. So call me unrealistic, I just want people to be classy again.


I know this was a short post, but I had to change my topic because someone else just posted one on what I was half way through writing about. Nevertheless, I think I've made my point. I was thinking that I'm just talking to myself, considering this is such an outrageous concept now, but who knows, maybe I'm not the only one left who wishes that the world had a little more class.


Click here, it explains what I'm thinking.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
To keep your character intact you cannot stoop to filthy acts. It makes it easier to stoop the next time. --Katharine Hepburn 

Orange Roses and A Football-Playing Mongoose

Real life experiences that seem like they are taken straight out of a movie, sometimes slip into our lives during the most unexpected circumstances. Maybe you're with the person you love and it's a typical, cliche romance scene. Perhaps something tragic happens, and you see everything happening in slow motion. For me, one of these moments truly changed my entire life. It's taken me awhile to try and put this into words, and I've gone over it a million times in my head to try and formulate a proper format for how I am going to explain it. This isn't really an easy or completely understandable way that I can go about telling this story, so I am going to try to do my best.The truth is, this particular story is not really one that I give pleasure in telling, however I feel like it's necessary to put it down in writing.


Through my life, I have met some truly remarkable people, and I have tried my hardest to be there and offer my advice through their lives. I feel truly blessed to know the people I know, and I've never been happier with the friends that I have right now. We've all had our down parts, and I'm sure that there has been a dark place that we have all been to. Life gets hard, and sometimes we might even feel like it is unbearable... My main point here, before I begin to elaborate is this: You are important to someone... possibly more important than you could ever imagine. Before you think about giving up, make that the statement that you focus on.


I've hit some rough spots in my life, as we all have.. and to put things lightly, I wasn't being very good to myself. I was smoking (keep in mind I'm allergic to tobacco), I was drinking, and I was actually cutting myself. (This was awhile ago, people so don't freak out. I'm better now. MUCH better). I haven't relapsed or anything like that at all, the closest thing I've gotten close to is smoking. Now, I've suffered from depression in the past, and if you knew what crazy things I have been through, you would understand why. Now, not too long ago.. about a month actually, I was started to fall back to one of my old habits (smoking, to be more specific). I wasn't really in the best mood and my self-esteem was extremely low. Now, one of my best friends, whom I would literally take a bullet for, gave me quite the scare. His mother texted me telling me that she was on her way home, her phone was dying and she just got a text from her son talking about suicide. She wanted me to call him and try to talk him down. Now, you can imagine how difficult this was for me, as well as everyone else involved. I love this guy, and he's literally saved my life in the past. What was I supposed to do if I couldn't save him this time? I was terrified but I picked up that phone faster than I've ever done anything. He answered and I started talking to him about anything I could think of. Something to get his mind off of ending his life. Then he starts crying and telling me how difficult things are. He starts telling me about life at home and telling me about how sometimes he feels life isn't worth it. Then.. the line goes dead. I tried calling back, but there was no answer. Literally, I have tears in my eyes just typing this.. I completely freaked out. I don't even know what I was doing after that.. So much was running through my head.

I don't exactly remember what happened after he called me back, but from what he tells me, he was talking to me and I was hyperventilating. After waking up on my bathroom floor, I realized I had passed out and hit my head. I guess that the thought of one of my best friends no longer breathing, literally sent me into shock. I didn't know how to react, but I realized soon after that what drove me to this, was the thought of losing someone I love and being unable to make that person feel like there is a way out other than suicide. Nothing has ever made me feel so helpless and scared in my entire life, but that situation taught me something very important... Never miss an opportunity to tell someone that you love them. Never ignore something you feel that would make someone else feel valuable. If you never say how you feel, your feelings are not felt by others.

Another thing that I've stressed time and time again, is to not be afraid to get help. There is always someone in this world that you are important to. Don't think that you leaving will not effect anyone. To one person, you could be everything.. and if they no longer have you, what do they have left?


At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes all you need is one. -One Tree Hill

Edit Your Profile With The Pink Armadillo

I spent a lot of time last night thinking about why people lie. I know this isn't the most elaborate opening sentence, but it's the simplest and not cause me to start maundering about how many times I have been lied to in the past. I wish to not stray away from my main point, and therefore, all names will not be mentioned and I will not even start on the seemingly infinite list of people who I have stopped talking to because they are compulsive liars. My main point here is to talk about the reasons some people lie. If you are anything like me, you know that one of the worst feelings in the world is to be lied to. It not only makes you feel let down and betrayed, but it makes it extremely difficult to ever trust that person again. You might even find yourself running through every conversation you've ever had with the person wondering if they were lying to you.


I've always agreed with the idea that "honesty is the best policy", and I've always tried my hardest to keep those I trust, informed as to what is going on in my life. When I do lie, it's because I am trying to protect someone from worry or from pain knowing that I'm hurting or not well. However, I've realized recently that the general concept of withholding information from someone (the same as lying) is not justified, even if your heart is in the right place. If someone is hurting or having a difficult time and they decide not to say anything because they "don't want the other person to worry", that only causes complications in due time. I realized that I can't get pissed off for people not telling me things if I do the exact same thing. I worry too much that I'm going to be a bother or a downer. I don't want someone else worrying about me, but if you don't tell someone what is going on, you'll keep that bottled inside and you will probably make things worse. 


My heart has been broken more than once due to liars. Even liars with good intentions have  hurt me as well as many other people. If there's anything I can ask of you right now out of this post, it is this: Be honest with each other. If you really care about someone, you should be willing to tear yourself open and let someone see you for who you really are. Lying only ruins relationships and when push comes to shove, it only ends up hurting people. Just because the other person might not find out, is not a good justification. Lying to someone is one of the worst things you can do as a human being.


So, why do we lie? Nearly every adult when you were a child told you that lying was wrong. But when it comes to avoiding trouble, it just seems like the easy way out.  In fact, more than 80 percent of women admit to occasionally telling what they consider harmless half-truths, says Susan Shapiro Barash, author of Little White Lies, Deep Dark Secrets: The Truth About Why Women Lie (St. Martin's Press, $15, amazon.com). Now, even little white lies can develop into larger lies. Now, of course there are some times where you don't want to hurt someone's feelings and it only seems logical to lie. Your aunt says that she's old, and you tell her that she's not. Someone starts crying about the way they look, and you feel horrible, and tell them things that might not necessarily be true.. The truth hurts, ladies and gentlemen, but a lie can kill. We lie because we want to look good to ourselves or to others. We lie to make ourselves more appealing, or to make someone else look less appealing.


The following was taken from http://www.livescience.com/health/060515_why_lie.html:
I read this and I found it extremely interesting:

Many animals engage in deception, or deliberately misleading another, but only humans are wired to deceive both themselves and others, researchers say. People are so engaged in managing how others perceive them that they are often unable to separate truth from fiction in their own minds, Feldman's research shows.

For instance, In one experiment, Feldman put two strangers in a room together. They were videotaped while they conversed. Later, independently, each was asked to view the tape and identify anything they had said that was not entirely accurate.

Rather than defining what counts as a lie and to avoid the moral tone of the word "lie," Feldman's experimenters simply asked subjects after the fact to identify anything they had said in the video that was "not entirely accurate."

Initially, "Each subject said, 'Oh, I was entirely accurate,'" Feldman told LiveScience. Upon watching themselves on video, subjects were genuinely surprised to discover they had said something inaccurate. The lies ranged from pretending to like someone they actually disliked to falsely claiming to be the star of a rock band.

The study, published in the Journal of Basic and Applied Psychology, found that 60 percent of people had lied at least once during the 10-minute conversation, saying an average of 2.92 inaccurate things...

"We're trying not so much to impress other people but to maintain a view of ourselves that is consistent with the way they would like us to be," Feldman said. We want to be agreeable, to make the social situation smoother or easier, and to avoid insulting others through disagreement or discord.

Men lie no more than women, but they tend to lie to make themselves look better, while women are more likely to lie to make the other person feel better.

Extroverts tend to lie more than introverts, Feldman found in similar research involving a job-interview situation.

Now 2.92 inaccurate things within a 10-minute conversation, to me, appears to be a bit insane. It is apparently, human nature to lie, however there are limits to lying. There is a difference between stretching the truth and straight up withholding information. It hurts... It hurts mentally, emotionally, and sometimes in extreme cases, physically. I'm stating this information, because I want people to think a bit harder before they start rambling off false information. If you put on a mask to make people like you, the people you are acting for still won't like you. They will only place judgement on who you are PRETENDING to be. Be yourself, because then you will at least have a chance.

The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls. -Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Purple Tigers and Bamboo Pudding

The following is a letter written by my mother... It's actually quite self-explanatory. For the record, this woman is one of my heroes and I strongly urge everyone to try and help out her as well as others struggling to get through the day:

Dear Friends and Family,                                     

Its tough being told you have a disease with no known cause or cure.  I’ll never forget the   day my neurologist gave me the dreadful diagnosis that I had Multiple Sclerosis two and a half years ago.  That’s one thing that’s etched in my mind forever.  The news hit me like a ton of bricks; I felt like my world was coming to an end.  I’m still overwhelmed by having this disease.  Everyday I try not to succumb to my emotions.

I’m participating in my 3^rd year MS Walk to try and create a world free of Multiple Sclerosis.  I’m even more passionate about finding a cure especially since my MS affects me and my everyday life and since my MS has worsened since my last letter.

I’m igniting a movement against MS and once again I’m humbled in asking if I could please count on you for your support.  The Walk Event Dates are: Saturday, May 2^nd, 2010, Troy High School, Troy, MI. at 10.00am and Sunday, May 8^th, 2010, Comerica Park, Detroit, MI. 10:00am.  I would love to have you come and join me. 

MS is a challenging, oftentimes disabling disease that strikes without warning- usually in the prime of life.  The seriousness of this disease demands that I try an educate everyone that I possible can.  MS is a very unpredictable, chronic disease which strikes the central nervous system (i.e. the brain and spinal cord.)  Multiple Sclerosis is an autoimmune disorder, meaning that the body actually attacks its own cells and tissues.  What triggers the immune system to attack is still a mystery. 

We’re you aware that there are over 2.5 million people worldwide known to be affected? This figure could be far higher as some people can have MS without even knowing it. MS is regarded as an inflammatory condition mainly affecting the white matter of the brain and spinal chord. This matter is made up of nerve fibers which transmit communication signals within the central nervous system. Think of it as an electrical switchboard to nerves supplying the body. These nerves are surrounded by a protective sheath called myelin/ MS attacks the myelin, causing it to break down and be replaced by scar tissue. When this happens, signals to the central nervous system can be blocked and confused, messing up functions such as coordination, vision, and memory. Usually, it is the speed and efficiency of these signals that allows us to perform everyday coordinated movements with very little conscious effort.

          The body is amazing thing. One of the incredible facts about the coating of myelin, is its ability to try and repair itself – one moment MS is attacking the myelin, and the next moment it is trying to fight back.

          There are four types of MS. The type of MS I have is called relapse-remitting MS. Basically, it means I have relapses when there is a flare up of symptoms followed by remissions. The damage is done and unable to be repaired. Symptoms can last for days, weeks, or even months.

          I still never know how I am going to feel when I wake up each morning. I still have to plan around the whims of a body that no longer wants to cooperate. My balance and cognitive thinking have both declined. The tingling feels like being stuck with hundreds of needles with electrical shocks and twitching. The numbness and partial paralysis of my left side, including my arm and hand, are extremely upsetting. It comes and goes without warning. I drop things I attempt to hold in my hands. With the weakness, stiffness, and fatigue, my legs no longer guide me effortlessly throughout the day, and I often need a cane to keep my balance. The spring in my step is gone. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I need to rely on a shower chair or I get dizzy simply standing in the shower. I was most humiliated when I went to the Toledo Zoo with my little niece and nephews. I was struggling so much to walk that I had to rent a scooter to aid me. My little niece, Anna, thought it was cool because I let her ride on it with me. That helped a bit with my embarrassment. At least someone looked on the bright-side.

          I ask myself, what happened to that all-star athlete I used to be in high school; The one who had All-State, All-Catholic, All-League achievements in softball, basketball, and volleyball. You’d never guess by looking at me now but I was a athlete of the year back then. Now, my uncharted path of life with relapse-remitting MS has me struggling to accept the harsh reality that with this disease, I do not have the luxury of time to learn to cope or pull myself together, when I feel like I’m falling apart. I do know without a cure, I will continue to be in excruciating pain and that eventually I could lose all control of my body. Just the thought of that brings tears to my eyes. I pray every day that a cure is discovered. I put on a good show for everyone. But really, I have enough on my plate with this disease to plunge into the depths of despair.

          When you get an illness like bronchitis or the flu, you know you’ll be feeling better and functioning normally within a week or so. A chronic illness, like MS Is different. It never goes away and disrupts your entire life style forever. Living with MS, for me, has been a nightmare.

          Through my daily struggles with this disease, I’m trying to stay positive but honestly, it is very difficult to do. I need you to please help support me on my journey to fund a cure for MS.

          I will thank you in advance for your generosity. I know times are still tough financially for every one right now, which makes every dollar mean even more. It really does mean the world to me that you care about me and every other individual that has to deal with the struggles of this disease every day. I am thankful for having such wonderful people in my life to cheer me on through this endeavor. You know if you needed me, I would be right there to cheer you on as well.

Sincerely Grateful With Love,

Lisa

Donations can be made out and sent to:

Lisa J. Milewski-Randles

3450 Martin Street Detroit MI. 48210

(In the memo space on the check, write “Michigan MS Society”)

“You’re a Survivor” By Jill Eisnaugle

In one single moment, the world you knew changed
Each second of glory had been rearranged
The sky above, once filled with wonder and light
Became dark and lonely, yet you chose to fight
With your friends and family, there by your side
You mustered the courage to battle in stride
With faith as a beacon to guide you along
You began a journey, which would make you strong.

At times, you knew conflict; therefore, tears were shed
Yet, you remained focused on the goal, ahead
To overcome [MS], one mile at a time
Despite every mountain you were asked to climb
You always found comfort in the countless prayers
Issued in your name, sent to God’s golden stairs
And thus, every morning, you rose for the day
Ready for each challenge that could come your way…

http://www.nationalmssociety.org/index.aspx << my mom's profile will be up soon, but it would be better to just send the donation to the house so she can send it all in one lump sum.