Candied Yams and Powdered Wigs

I know this goes against my usual format of my blogs but in this case, I'm going to take a different route to explain my point. Have you ever read something in a book or a magazine or seen something on the television and thought to yourself, "Wow, this is so about me" ..?
Well that is the situation I found myself in while reading a novel written by my favorite author. I've been on this crazy reading binge where I've read around 6 books in the last week and I'm going to share something with you that honestly changed my entire thought process:

“The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.” -Chuck Palahniuk.

For those of you who don't know me, here's a little bit of an outline so you can understand why it is so ridiculous that I've been thinking differently lately:

My name is Sarah Randles, I was born on June 17th 1991. 

I do not come from a wealthy family, and nearly everyone in my family is dying from some form of cancer.

I have no real talents and nothing that makes me stand out from a crowd.

I got half of my face ripped off by a dog when I was 3 years old, so it's not like I have looks on my side. 

75% of the people I have ever loved have taken advantage of me and use me as a human punching bag (literally and figuratively).

Through all this, I still try to keep a positive outlook on life, and do the right things.

I hardly trust anyone in fear of getting hurt again. <

I've been running for far too long.. and the funny thing is, I'm not exactly sure what I'm running from. When someone offers me help, I turn it down nearly every time. It has been beaten into my head (literally) that I'm not a good person, and I'm disgusting, and worthless, and a disappointment.. but you know what? Fuck that (pardon the use of harsh language, but nothing else can really express that). I'm tired of hiding behind a wall, and if I can move past this, any of you can too. I know that everyone at one point or another puts on a mask. I understand better than almost anybody. My words may seem hollow without any action, but trust me on this.. I can not do this anymore. Why hide what makes me, who I am? Why hide what makes you, who you are?

It's about time that things change a little bit around here. The people who have made me/you self-conscious have left scars that you might never forget. The scars are left for you to remember. The scars are left for you to learn from your mistakes, and actually change your future. What is in the past has passed and the future is what lies ahead. What waits for us in the future is a mystery to us, but even with a small amount of effort to push you forward, the future could be brighter for you than you could ever imagine. Don't give those people who have caused you to become a victim of paranoia, even more power over you. These people, who are not even worth it... do you really want them to shape your life more than the people who are begging to help? Of course not. No one does.

However, I do not for one second wish that what has happened in the past to me, never occurred. I am a more knowledgeable person because of what happened, and I'm going to use my past as a way to help my future.. and hopefully help someone else's future. My story is a dull one. Not a romance, not a thriller, not action-packed.. but it's real. And now I see that if there's any way for me to make it to the end of this novel, I'm going to have to share it with someone else.. there has to be someone to proofread, so to speak.

To everyone who has ever offered me a shoulder to cry on: God bless you. Truly and honestly, if it wasn't for your concern, who knows where the hell I would be right now..

and just to keep the end of the post quote going...

“Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves.” -Chuck Palahniuk

Pencil Pushing and Rubber Caterpillars

Have you ever looked back at all the people that have in some way changed your life and thought, "where the hell did you go?".. because quite recently I've realized that among all of the amazing people I talk to now, I've realized there have been others who thought I wasn't worth it or others who I thought were not worth it, and it's slightly depressing to think of how easy it can be to push someone completely out of your life. Also, on the other hand, it is almost amazing how much it might hurt to push someone out at the time, and then realize that it was the best thing you have ever done.


I've met some "gems" in my day, let me tell you. I've never claimed to have all the answers, or be perfect, and it is true that I, Sarah Randles, have honestly misjudged people and let others take advantage of my friendship. Nowadays, I'm living a life that keeps me smiling every day, and that's a big deal considering life wasn't always like that. I'm not here to tell anybody how to live their lives, I'm only saying that people should, perhaps, think deeper into situations or friendships. I've recently evaluated my past relationships/friendships and since graduation I think we can all see how much life has changed. Either someone we thought we knew turned out to be someone else, or maybe we, ourselves, have gone through a change. Maybe we've realized who we really are. Now we come to the point I have been trying to make. Perhaps we push these people out as a coping mechanism for change. Perhaps we let others enter our lives as a coping mechanism as well?


I can only speak based off my own life experiences, but I have seen things happen that appear to be consistent throughout people's miserably ridiculous lives. Maybe by using these coping mechanisms, we are helping ourselves move on to better things, or maybe we are tricking ourselves into thinking our lives are better. In my personal experience, I realize that the people I was with were not helping me, but holding me back. Nowadays, I have met some pretty ridiculously awesome people, and I've gotten closer to others that I have neglected talking to before. I've been much happier by learning how to recognize what is good for me and what is bad for me, what is good for others and what is bad for others, what will make me a happier person with more of a life filled with purpose.


What is best for you, might not always be down the easiest path, however it might end up saving you tears in the end. Never hesitate to question your life. As Socrates said, "An unexamined life is a life that is not worth living". Are your friends not one of the most influential parts of your life? It should be easy to understand then, that who you surround yourself with, can possibly shape you into who you will be in your future. I will say that at least for me, my future went from bleak to dazzling in a matter of months and I've never been happier. 


To everyone who deemed me unworthy of their time (though I guarantee you're not reading this, but it's just good to get it out there anyway.. as a good form of venting, of course lol): 1) I'm sorry you're missing out on the new me. 2) Because you closed the door, I climbed out the window and found pure, genuine, people who bring me closer to happiness than you ever did or would be able to. 3) If you lie, you don't deserve anyone in this world. 4) Other than this blog, I hardly ever remember we were ever together at any point in my life. 5) The songs we used to sing, no longer remind me of you. 6) The paper still bleeds, but I've finally stopped.


By recognizing people who will bring you down to make you feel better, you can live your life and move onto better things. Such as getting together via texts with new friends for red wings games and serving as their personal lucky charms, or driving out to pets'mart to look at betas for no apparent reason, or hell.. even terrorizing people at target because if you don't enjoy the simple things in life, you tend to forget what really matters in the first place.


“Sometimes you've got to let everything go - purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you'll find that when you're free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.” -- Tina Turner

Potatoe Pancakes and Pornography for Goats

You are sitting on your computer writing an English paper about how modern art effects society, longing for some distraction to break your concentration. You then start thinking about your friends, your family, your goals.. and then something breaks you away from your happy little daydream. One person from your past pops into your head and all of a sudden, that English paper didn't seem like torture. We all, as much as we would like to admit it, have at least one person who has hurt us the most out of anyone. We all have experienced a stab in the back from a "friend", or a failed relationship that ruined a friendship. Now, we all know that this sucks (for a lack of better words), and we all know that if we were ever to meet this person on the street, we might just flat out get the urge to punch them in the throat. HOWEVER, I feel that I should express my opinions on this considering it seems that I am not the only person who has trouble with holding grudges.

Every person who has ever hurt you, whether you chose to admit it or not, has effected your life in one way or another. This realization, for me at least, hurts. When we are hurt, we tend to try to act like the situation never really effected us, or like it never crosses our minds. We fall victim to the hate that lies within our own hearts and become no better than the person who caused us so much pain. I call onto you to toss this pain aside. Surely hating someone so much is not going to help anything. I mean, what are you going to do, get back at them for what they've done to you? The truth is, people like that do not even deserve your emotion. I do strongly believe that one of the problems we face is learning to let go. 

The process of letting the new you emerge can be one of the scariest experiences in your life. But by leaving behind your old self and taking a leap of faith into the unknown, it might just reveal what you are truly capable of becoming. In order to allow yourself  to take that leap, you must realize what is good for you is not necessarily what you enjoy doing. Did you like getting shots at the doctor's when you were a child? Chances are (if you did not have masochistic tendencies as a child) you screamed and kicked and hated it. However, the vaccines and whatnot made you healthier. One main thing about this particular post is health. I used to worry myself sick, quite literally, and I think that if anyone can express to you the dangers of stress, it's me.

The major point I am trying to make with this particular post is this: Do not make someone a necessity if they only want to make you an option. There are people out there who would love your company, and enjoy to converse with you. Do not fight someone just to get them on the phone with you because that just clearly makes the conversation lose its meaning. You should hang around people who make you value yourself and them as well. You should not sit and worry and drive yourself crazy over someone who couldn't care less about your feelings, emotions, or problems. This is why I can not stress enough the need to critically think about your life. Actually evaluate who you generally spend most of your time with. How have they helped you? More importantly, how have they harbored you?

Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love?
-- Leo Buscaglia

Gummy Worms and Hedgehogs with Laser Pointers

Alright, now I will say this before I start writing this blog: I apologize to anyone I offend by writing this, however everything I say is of my own personal belief and I mean not to inforce my opinions and thoughts upon you. I've addressed many things in this blog but I have yet to talk about anything truly pressing, such as politics or religion. I try not to do this, because I do not want anyone to think that I am disregarding their views or I am pushing anyone to think the way I think. However, my philosophy class has truly opened me up to think critically about many different things, and I have had many different thoughts about religion for quite some time now, particularly Christianity.

I am a confirmed Catholic, however the more and more I see the way this world is going, I'm realizing that I question many of the things that the Catholic church does. First and foremost, I am a theist, however I do believe that many of the different aspects of different religions have valid points and thoughts. In other words, I am accepting of other people's beliefs. One thing, however that I am not okay with, is the thought that people accept anything that they hear without thinking twice about it. I apologize, but I believe that the general message of the Bible is good, but I do not necessarily think that everything written down has validity. Yes, treat others the way you would like to be treated. Yes, "Thou shall not kill" is a valid rule to go by, however I do not necessarily think that everything in the Bible is correct.

The fact of the matter is, the Bible was written by a group of men. Man is prone to sin. Man is still tempted. Man can still fall to temptation. Therefore, if the premisis are true, who is to say that these men did not fall to temptation? Who is to say that one or two of these men did not like homosexuality and then wrote it down that God frowns upon it. Even moreso, who is to say that the word has not been altered? First of all, many of the stories in the Bible were written down long after Jesus had died. Those of you who have ever played "telephone", will understand where I am coming from with this. Sometimes the message gets twisted or misinterpreted in even the most common of daily situations. Who is to say that something like this is impossible of happening?

Please do not think me as without morals. I do believe in God, and even if I believed that there was no God, I do not think that I am necessarily a bad person. I try to live my life in a way that allows others to remain happy and feel valuable. I believe that every single person on this planet is loved by someone, and therefore loved by God. I disagree, however with such statements as "homosexuality is a sin". It is not our purpose to judge others, and eventually those who ARE doing wrong, such as.. ooooh I don't know, persecuting others, will eventually get what is coming to them, I am not saying that it will be a negative consequence, I am merely saying that there will be a consequence. (If I was saying that they will be receiving a negative consequence, I would be persecuting the persecutors, which clearly defeats my purpose) I do believe that we are all equal and we sould all treat eachother in such a manner that is respectful.

Now, yes people aggrivate me. I do get irritated by ignorance, and I will let those who are ignorant know that they are acting in such a way that I would much so like to punch them, however that is merely a feeling and not necessarily an action. Perhaps if people became more educated on such subjects as stem-cell research, literature, or even just another person's rights, our world would be a better place.

The pope tells us to "give" all that we possibly can to help aid others, however.. in the Vatican Archives lay millions of dollars worth of artwork and other materials that do not even make it onto display. Why not sell some of the things that they have just wasting space, and use that money to feed the poor, save the lives of some dying children, or how about help members of their own religion? Why the world is full of hypocrites is beyond me, however I will say that if I were a religious figure in the world, things would not be going the way they are. As humans, many of us have a tendency to fall to corruption. I am not necessarily saying that everyone is corrupt, I am merely saying, do not count anyone beyond corruption or temptation. God is pure, we are only in his image.

I am aware that this is a risky post to make, however.. know that my views on religion do not necessarily change the way I think or write. My basic view is that one should simply not deny anyone else their dignity, and I believe that regardless of who we are, we are all equal. If there is anything that you could possibly get out of reading this blog, it would be that. Farewell.

All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree. All these aspirations are directed toward ennobling man's life, lifting it from the sphere of mere physical existence and leading the individual towards freedom. --Albert Einstein

Kibbles, Nail-filers and Rubber Ducks

Purity within the darkest of corners with a cold that seems too hot. Calming progress flowing forward, unseemingly what it is not.
With a solid embrace, the cigerette hangs frozen by a stare.
Choking, gasping, begging for one more breath of air.
It falls and screams a silent cloud of smoke
As she hits the cold cement, her song is cut off mid-note.

Pupils burning, scratching heat, the weight of this is unbearable
Give up the crutch, dig yourself away from the burning rubble.
Your pain may be payment for a lesson lost but your success will allow you rest.
Close your eyes, be alive again and put your will to the test.
Stronger now than ever before, you wonder how you evaded
You thought you were alive once before, but only then sedated.

The Wiggles and the Red Rooftop of Cabbage

All my life, I've been raised a certain way, and after yesterday I've become more and more thankful that I have my parents' beliefs and values. When I was younger, my family had a bit of money.. we had a speedboat, we had a cottage up north, we threw parties all the time, had three jet-skiis.. we were "living the good life". However, something happened that we were not expecting.. Life. Life happens, and sometimes we underestimate what is possible to happen.


My father's company moved out to montana, and he did not want to leave Michigan.. so he tried to find a new job. My mother used to work at the Ambassador Bridge, but got laid off. Our lives changed drastically after that.. but if you want the truth, I'm kind of glad that our lives changed this way. Simply because you don't have money, does not mean that you have a bad life. I value what I have even more now. I value what is truly important: family, friends, good will.. I try to help people more, because I know what it's like to have to choose between whether we have heat or water. Things are not necessarily getting any better, but now that I am older, I am doing more to pitch-in and work for what we recieve.


Now that we've lost many of the material possessions that we became so accustomed to, I realize that I am better off without those things. I have more fun sitting around the house with my friends than I ever could on a big boat or jet-skiing. Because I know how much the people in my life mean to me, I go out of my way more often to help someone else, and I will go out of my way to try and hang out with the people I truly care about.


My main point here is not to try and complain about what I do not have, but to encourage you to look past the material possessions and to see a person for who they really are. Don't worry so much about what new video game is coming out or what is new in Victoria's Secret, but instead, worry about who you will be with or what you can do to benifit someone's life. Worry about living your life so you will look back when you're old and gray and realize that you were a good person and you made your life worth living. No one is better or worse than you, unless you make it so. If you treat others with anger or injustice, that person is better than you. If you fall towards the ignorance that strongly taints the lives of many people in this world, you will soon realize that you have wasted your life harboring hate.


Money has nothing to do with winning or being a better person. Having a huge, fancy house does not make you any better than someone who lives in a mud hut. It is the value of your character and the size of your heart that truly matter, and I think we should all take that into account, myself included. We should all learn to value others more than any material possession. Having money isn't a bad thing, I'm simply saying that I think we, as a society are too focused on it. I don't care how much money someone has, only what kind of a person they are, and I wish the rest of the world would think the same.


"The only real justice in life is death. Don't let anyone else make you feel inferior, because in the end, we're all just as dead. Then does it matter how much money you have or what size of a house you live in?"
-- Grandpa Randles

Caramel Dictionaries and Bobbing for Weather Vanes

Through a short talk with a new friend of mine I began thinking more and more about the mistakes I have made in my life. In retrospect, I was naive, however I still feel that the "mistakes" that I made were more like lessons. I've taken notes in my head, I have occasionally failed to study and had to look over the lesson again, but nevertheless I am stronger now than I ever was before.

When we experience something that completely shatters us, we have to give it our all to simply rebuild ourselves back up to what we were, perhaps even stronger.. or weaker. Much time and a super-human amount of effort goes forth to get ourselves back to what we were, and in the process, we are changed. We are changed in some way, no matter how seemingly insignificant. Everyone in their lives has experienced some roads that are rockier than others. I'm sure, unfortunately, that some people have even been unsure that they can overcome obsticles that stand in their way. The truth is, regardless of how cliche it may seem, every single person on this planet makes mistakes.

There have been people in my life that have kept me down, but for every one person that broke my heart, there were those that helped put it back together. There have been people who have left my life that I cried and fell apart over, but now I realize that I'm happier without them. Some times it takes a little bit of effort and self-realization to fully understand the concept that what you want is not always necessarily what is good for you. In order to recognize when something is not good for you, the one thing you must understand is that you are worth something. You are worth ridding yourself of those who serve as a negative influence in your life. This does not only apply to people, but to bad habits as well. A person can serve as a pack of cigerettes or a bottle of jack to your own, personal well-being. Regardless of the fact that you enjoy that bottle, your life will be healthier and eventually happier.

I sometimes think that we tend to underestimate the influence that people have in our lives. I fell horrible for the people that have to deal with others who have difficulty trusting people. Someone could truly miss out on an unforgetable relationship simply for the lack of trust. If there is any one piece of advice I could give absolutely anyone, it would be this: Learn from your mistakes and make adjustments to them. I'm not saying that if someone cheats on you, you should never put trust in someone so that they are able to break you, I'm saying be smart. Don't just allow yourself to fall so easily, make sure your decisions are smart before you act. Take it from me, just because a guy/or girl is attractive on the outside, does not mean that they are attractive inside. Don't let lust overcome love, and always remember that you should be more concerned with finding your bride's maids than with finding your groom, so to speak.

I can't even express how many people I know that feel that they have to have a significant other because the individual doesn't want to end up "alone". I, personally, feel that this concept is a bit ridiculous, and this ties in once again with having self-esteem. I think that if a person loves someone else, they should at first be able to love themselves before they can truly and whole-heartedly love another.

“I think we all wish we could erase some dark times in our lives. But all of life's experiences, bad and good, make you who you are. Erasing any of life's experiences would be a great mistake.” --Luis Miguel