Real life experiences that seem like they are taken straight out of a movie, sometimes slip into our lives during the most unexpected circumstances. Maybe you're with the person you love and it's a typical, cliche romance scene. Perhaps something tragic happens, and you see everything happening in slow motion. For me, one of these moments truly changed my entire life. It's taken me awhile to try and put this into words, and I've gone over it a million times in my head to try and formulate a proper format for how I am going to explain it. This isn't really an easy or completely understandable way that I can go about telling this story, so I am going to try to do my best.The truth is, this particular story is not really one that I give pleasure in telling, however I feel like it's necessary to put it down in writing.
Through my life, I have met some truly remarkable people, and I have tried my hardest to be there and offer my advice through their lives. I feel truly blessed to know the people I know, and I've never been happier with the friends that I have right now. We've all had our down parts, and I'm sure that there has been a dark place that we have all been to. Life gets hard, and sometimes we might even feel like it is unbearable... My main point here, before I begin to elaborate is this: You are important to someone... possibly more important than you could ever imagine. Before you think about giving up, make that the statement that you focus on.
I've hit some rough spots in my life, as we all have.. and to put things lightly, I wasn't being very good to myself. I was smoking (keep in mind I'm allergic to tobacco), I was drinking, and I was actually cutting myself. (This was awhile ago, people so don't freak out. I'm better now. MUCH better). I haven't relapsed or anything like that at all, the closest thing I've gotten close to is smoking. Now, I've suffered from depression in the past, and if you knew what crazy things I have been through, you would understand why. Now, not too long ago.. about a month actually, I was started to fall back to one of my old habits (smoking, to be more specific). I wasn't really in the best mood and my self-esteem was extremely low. Now, one of my best friends, whom I would literally take a bullet for, gave me quite the scare. His mother texted me telling me that she was on her way home, her phone was dying and she just got a text from her son talking about suicide. She wanted me to call him and try to talk him down. Now, you can imagine how difficult this was for me, as well as everyone else involved. I love this guy, and he's literally saved my life in the past. What was I supposed to do if I couldn't save him this time? I was terrified but I picked up that phone faster than I've ever done anything. He answered and I started talking to him about anything I could think of. Something to get his mind off of ending his life. Then he starts crying and telling me how difficult things are. He starts telling me about life at home and telling me about how sometimes he feels life isn't worth it. Then.. the line goes dead. I tried calling back, but there was no answer. Literally, I have tears in my eyes just typing this.. I completely freaked out. I don't even know what I was doing after that.. So much was running through my head.
I don't exactly remember what happened after he called me back, but from what he tells me, he was talking to me and I was hyperventilating. After waking up on my bathroom floor, I realized I had passed out and hit my head. I guess that the thought of one of my best friends no longer breathing, literally sent me into shock. I didn't know how to react, but I realized soon after that what drove me to this, was the thought of losing someone I love and being unable to make that person feel like there is a way out other than suicide. Nothing has ever made me feel so helpless and scared in my entire life, but that situation taught me something very important... Never miss an opportunity to tell someone that you love them. Never ignore something you feel that would make someone else feel valuable. If you never say how you feel, your feelings are not felt by others.
Another thing that I've stressed time and time again, is to not be afraid to get help. There is always someone in this world that you are important to. Don't think that you leaving will not effect anyone. To one person, you could be everything.. and if they no longer have you, what do they have left?
At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes all you need is one. -One Tree Hill
See it's this sorta thing that I admire about you, Sarah. You have gone to hell and back. You've been through so much. I didn't know who you used to be, but I know who you are now and I love that person. Clearly your struggles have shaped you into the very person I admire. You care so much that it's ridiculous. You are truly an amazing person, I feel lucky to have you in my life.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Dave. I really do appreciate that. I'm just pretty much tired of keeping everything bottled up. I'm over the person I once was, so now I think it's safe to talk about everything. I value my life, and now the only thing I'm concerned with is helping other people realize the value of theirs. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to improve myself, there's a lot about me that I hate. And I'll be honest, not until I started to get to know you, I wasn't making any real strides at improving myself. But seeing you, i don't know how to put it really, but something clicked. You haven't told me many specifics, but I'm also not an idiot and could tell you've gone through a lot. You unintentionally inspired me to start making strides to change myself. I don't think I can thank you enough. And if you ever wanna open up, you have my number, you can call me at literally anytime
ReplyDeleteDave, that really does mean a lot to me. I'm glad I could help you out... even though I didn't really try lol. I've been trying really hard to open up more, it's just easier for me to write than to speak. I don't know, that's just always how I've been. I stutter too much and I have difficulty getting my point across when I'm speaking. That's why it's easy for me to write things down instead of call someone up and explain my life story to them lol It would take eons.
ReplyDeleteThings are always easier to write than say... when you write you can think it out, you have an eraser or a backspace. It takes guts to talk about the tough things. Trust me, I think I know how difficult it is. I was just saying if you ever needed me I'm here, not necessarily telling you to tell me your life story :P but I'm here for you no matter what.
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