Crying Lightning And Breaking A Sweat

Recently, someone quite close to me and my family passed away from pneumonia. Now, I usually try to keep these posts upbeat, however, today my lack of sleep and my slightly dampened mood permits me to do otherwise. I was in my living room eating breakfast (which is rare to begin with) and then my mother comes bursting through the door crying, completely inaudible. Immediately, we all stopped what we were doing and ran over to my mom. A barrage of shock and confusion hit us initially because we couldn't understand what my mother was saying. I, personally thought she had fallen outside on a patch of ice or something of that nature. Then my grandma walked in the door and translated. Jeff Marciniack, a long time family friend had passed away.  This man, was a role model for me, personally. This man was probably stronger than most, and he was always troubled by a heavy heart. His ex-wife had worked most of her life to make this man's life a living hell. He hadn't seen his own children in years, he almost lost everything he owned, yet somehow he managed to keep moving forward. He was extremely depressed, and there were times in his life when he wasn't sure he wanted to keep living. My mother saw the worst of this. She helped him fight through to the end and even though he has left this earth, I still find it admirable that he lost the will to live, but kept living anyway. This man wanted to end his life, yet with the help of many friends, my mother included, he managed to still smile once in awhile. My grandmother said "His heart couldn't hold out any longer.", to which my mother replied, "Yes, his heart was broken to begin with."

The statement above hit me harder, I think, than the actual initial news of his passing. Depression is possibly one of the hardest things anyone could deal with, and it usually follows difficult things to begin with. My intentions are not to upset anyone or to make anyone glum, but merely to give forth an example. Jeff Marciniack, though broken and shattered, kept pushing through with the help of others. I understand that life is not fair, and I understand that there are some things that you might think you simply can not work through.. just remember that if you seek help, there will always be someone somewhere who can help you. To those that think they are alone, you are not. I have had to see and experience some things that I would never wish upon anybody, and if it wasn't for the help of those select individuals, I might not have made it this far. Truth be told, our hearts can only take so much, and our minds can only be altered so much. To those to whom this has touched, help someone else.

There are tell-tale signs that allow us to see when a person is falling. In order to catch someone, we must make a stand and help. To save someones life, all it takes is love and compassion. If you see someone who appears to be down, just talk to them. Talk even if it is about how your day was or even sailboats. As a matter of fact, sometimes you might not be able to tell when someone is suffering from some sort of trouble they have in their lives. Perhaps they are having a hard time at home, maybe they have low self esteem. A simple smile or an exchange of words could help someone in a stronger sense than you can imagine.

There are many ways that someone can get help fir their hurt and suffering. Some people's problems are too strong to be overcome by a friendly conversation. One thing I can not stress enough is to know when the situation gets out of your hands. There are people you can call and organizations that will help aid you or someone you are trying to help. Know when you can not handle a situation and know when you need a higher form of help. There is always more than one option, and giving up is not an option.

http://www.twloha.com/vision/

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_tips.htm

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen.htm

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/center_index.php?id=5

~ ...Depression is not sobbing and crying and giving vent, it is plain and simple reduction of feeling...Peoplwho keep stiff upper lips find that it's damn hard to smile. ~  Judith Guest

Peanut Brittle and Yorkshire Terriers

The tang of the spearmint gum turns from a pleasurable, mint treat to complete destruction. I wince as the gum slides slightly out of my mouth onto my chapped lips. One sudden pinch; a single jolt sends me out of my comfort zone and onto pain’s front porch. The taste that brought me so much pleasure has betrayed me as the flavor drills into the cuts of my lips. The muttering of my professor fades deeper and deeper until she is no longer audible, which does not really matter to me considering that my spearmint episode left me more awake than I wanted to be. The pain was not as bad as I made it out to seem, just the entrancing taste and smell actually gave me something to do besides listening about axons and reticular formations and I almost heard a part of the lecture when I was maliciously attacked by a piece of candy. God forbid I listen to whatever it is we're supposed to be learning about.
 Psychology has always been something I’ve wanted to be a part of. Something I could relate to, if you will. Critical thinking has always been my forte, and with as many crazy people I’ve had to deal with over the years, it has seemed altogether fitting that I can relate to the insanity. I’ve always been that person that everyone can turn to; The one single human on earth that “understands”. I’m often mistaken for a person who overanalyzes and I’ve been told I “think too much”. I’ve even gotten the whole “live simply, or you’re going to end up miserable and crazy” speech. Truth is, most psychologists are crazy. Why, you ask? Because when you’ve spent your whole life surrounded by people who don’t make a lick of sense, you tend to have a slightly skewed way of thinking, and therefore you can understand the disturbed. You can relate to the disturbed. You become the disturbed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to run out and beat some old lady up or shoot up a building but I might do something like walk outside and lay down on the sidewalk in December with a rain coat on. YOU might say it’s crazy. I say, it’s what’s stopping me from going crazy (or turning into a zombie).


Sure, this might not seem like a lot of sense to anyone reading this, but I only feel that if I’m going to bother telling you how to live your life or what’s right and what’s wrong, I should let you know a little about myself. When you’re born and raised into a family with money, life doesn’t seem too bad. Life seems worth living. The sun is high in the sky and nobody can tell you that the world is cruel. Until you turn 9 and your mother loses her job, becomes depressed, you’re father’s company goes bankrupt, your adopted sister can’t make a good decision to save her life, and your head explodes. Or until you find out your mother is diagnosed with a fatal disease and your uncle has a brain tumor. Well, life sucks, my friends. That’s the cold hard truth. I’m not here to tell you everything will get better, or that you’ll get lucky and win the lottery. I’m here to tell you that life does throw some pretty heavy boulders in our way and we’ve just got to push through it. It can take is months, years, decades to finally overcome something that has hurt us or thrown us in the dirt, but we can not stop.


Truth is, I have had to deal with some things that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy (if I had a worst enemy… I don’t know, maybe the burger king guy). My mother suffers from Multiple Sclerosis (MS), my sister was adopted from a family who were major drug addicts and now has problems in school, my uncle is a joke and fired my father before Christmas due to “financial issues” (right before he hired his new son in law), and I’ve pretty much been beaten down by some people that I thought I could trust (figuratively and literally). If anyone has the liberty to tell you that life is difficult, I’m one of those people. However, I’m in school trying to be a better person. I’m trying to help myself to get out of this slump. My only advice for this post is that you should not lie down and let the rest of the world trample you. People are cruel, life hurts, but you have to keep on living it. Don’t lie in your bed and wish things would get better, make things get better. This was more of a venting post for me, but I truly hope that someone got something out of this.


"Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you, and live as though Heaven is on Earth. "



—Anonymous